a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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