And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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