when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
