all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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