don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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