This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
