OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
