Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
