wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
