Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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