I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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