he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
