I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
