Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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