i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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