It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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