I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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