i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
