so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
