If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza