I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
