Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
