so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
