Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize