I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
