ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
