people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
