It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
