you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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