I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
