I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
