I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
