i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
