i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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