Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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