I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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