you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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