so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
