the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
