Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
