dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
