just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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