my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize