why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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