as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
