Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
