I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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