We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
