(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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