Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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