dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
