Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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