So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
