Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
