I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
