Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
