i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
