Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
