So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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