People in love make me want to vomit
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
