I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
