i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just invented taco cereal.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You don't make any sense
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