He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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