Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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