The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
