Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
