If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
