we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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