I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
