im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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