I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
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just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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