It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
